


The Goat Thing

by NarcolepticUnicorn



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Gen, Hell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-09
Updated: 2016-06-09
Packaged: 2018-07-14 00:56:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7145546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NarcolepticUnicorn/pseuds/NarcolepticUnicorn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucifer hates that people always associate him with goats; he doesn't even like their cheese! But something has to be done with all the goats that are sacrificed in his name.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Goat Thing

**Author's Note:**

> The idea for this (relatively) short fanfiction came from a fan submission to the Tumblr blog “just-shower-thoughts” which read: “I like to imagine that Satan has this adorable goat pen out back where he lovingly tends to all the goats that have been sacrificed to him.”  
> So, this is the tale of Lucifer taking care of all the goats that have been sacrificed to him across the centuries. It takes place before our Lucifer came to LA. I hope your enjoy it.

Horns. A tail. Red skin and goatee. Blonde. Lucifer Morningstar, the Lord of Hell, had been depicted with all of them at one point or another. He didn’t particularly mind any of them, they added a certain je ne sais quoi to his image that suited him, he thought. They provided a sort of disguise from his usual carefully trimmed designer stubble and manscaped features and it meant no one truly realised that they were speaking with the Devil himself; unless he decided to show them his nastier side, of course.

It was the likeness to a goat that Lucifer abhorred. Why do they always associate him with goats? Where in Hell had the humans even gotten such a notion? And then those asinine humans had begun sacrificing the creatures to him. Lucifer couldn’t understand why, he didn’t even like their cheese.

Drumming his fingers on his chair, Lucifer was growing bored listening to the pathetic stain of a human being before him plead his case as it why he shouldn’t be in Hell. None of them ever thought they should have ended up in Hell but there’s a reason there’s a highway to Hell and only a stairway to Heaven.

“Enough,” he sighed.

Lucifer waved a hand and Mazikeen, his most trusted and faithful demon, removed the human from his presence. Lucifer didn’t care what the man may or may not have done while his heart was still beating, his job, thanks to dear old Dad, was just to provide a place for all these bloody humans to torture themselves for all eternity. All the pleading in the world wasn’t going to change where he was going.

“Is there anything else you need, Lucifer?” Mazikeen asked as she returned to the room. He’d long ago asked her to call him by his name; enough people groveled at him and called him _Master_ or _Sire_ , it was nice to have someone actually using his name.

The pose she struck told Lucifer all he needed to know about Maze _hoped_ he would need. Alas, he had more pressing things to attend to. Although, it was an invitation he would surely take up later.

“No,” he said as he got to his feet and stretched his twelve foot long, snowy white wings out from behind him. Horns, tails, goat feet, those they used freely and with abandon but no one ever remembered, or else they chose to forget, that Lucifer had once been an archangel and God’s favourite son and so the wings were always omitted. “That will be all, thank you, Maze.”

Once his demon had left the room once more, Lucifer bid a hasty retreat himself and exited through a side door only he knew about. Whilst outdoors, the large space Lucifer found himself in was protected against the ash that perpetually fell in Hell with a small fence surrounding it and squat shelters dotted around expanse. The din that met his ears upon his entrance spread a large smile across his face. The Devil didn’t take any pleasure in tolling out punishments, no matter how much someone was getting their just desserts, but he did take pleasure in caring for the thousands of goats that had been sacrificed in his name across the centuries. There were more than Lucifer had ever been able to or cared to count of every breed of goat imaginable and he took special care in looking after them all. It wasn’t as if he’d asked for them to be sacrificed.

“Yes, yes, I know,” he laughed as he grabbed the feeding container. “I’m late.”

Pushing his way through the little gate, Lucifer tossed the food away from him as he made his way through the horde of goats. Nothing grew in Hell, no grass, no hay, so Lucifer had to ensure that they were all fed himself. He didn’t trust the task to anyone else and didn’t want any other rumours spreading about him and goats. He may have a soft spot for the ones that had been sacrificed to him but human beings likening him to goats was bad enough.

Once the goats were fed they milled about Lucifer or returned to their games of head butting and jumping on one another. Lucifer was content just to watch and occasionally scratch one on the head. The pygmy goats were Lucifer’s favourites; between their tiny feet and itty bitty noses he couldn’t help but fawn over them. He couldn’t for the life of him understand why someone would sacrifice such a cute animal in his name but, nevertheless, some depraved human beings had done so and as a result Lucifer had half a dozen of them. He also liked the Nubian goats with their long floppy ears. The white Saanen goats were the most numerous and he particularly liked the screaming noise they made. It was one of the only sounds that covered the tortured screams of the human souls surrounding them on all sides.

As Lucifer strolled around the enormous pen that held his goats he felt content. He had never asked for any of this; all he’d wanted was freewill and for that he had lost everything he’d ever known and loved but keeping the goats and taking care of them gave him a sense of freewill and control he doubted he would otherwise have.

Yes, the Devil may not like their cheese, but he sure as Hell liked his goats.


End file.
